Training Day Is Over

Well, I already gave up. I have decided he is just not ready--even though I am, but I at least have to tell you all the drama I went through. . .

First thing Monday morning when he woke up we went in his room, took off his diaper, and put on his Nemo underpants. I went into the kitchen and set the timer for 15 minutes. When the timer went off I was going to take him to go potty. When it did finally go off, I went to him and said, "Okay Jake, time to go potty," and he said back to me, "but Mommy I'm wet." So we went to his room and put his Thomas underpants on. I went and set the timer again for another 15 minutes. When it went off, I went over to Jake and said, "okay it's time to go potty again," and he replied, "Mommy you need to change my diaper." I said, "Jake your not wearing a diaper. Did you pee in your pants again?" and he said ever so slightly, "Yes." He could feel my wrath.

So at this point it had been about 30 minutes and he had already peed on himself twice. I decided he needed to wash off, so I took off his clothes and walked him to the bathtub. As I was rinsing out the tub and getting ready to fill it I hear him yell from right behind me, "Mommy!!!" I quickly turned and he was peeing on the bathroom floor. I grabbed him and put him in front of the potty but by then he was already done. If he would have taken 2 steps backward he would have been standing right in front of the potty. I lost it!!!! He was right there. He could've peed in the potty but he decided to pee on the floor instead. Even though I was livid at this point I realized that he doesn't know the feeling of it coming so he can't make a quick enough decision to walk to the potty to go.

During his bath, we had a heart to heart and I told him we would go back to diapers for the day. He asked me if I was happy and I said yes because he had at least tried. After his bath, I took him to his room and he asked me again if I was happy. He obviously could sense my frustration. So I calmly said "Yes I'm happy, but I would be happier if you would learn how to pee in the potty, but I don't want to frustrate you anymore, I know its hard!" And what came next was the sweetest thing I have ever heard. God knew I needed to hear this. My beautiful, sweet, and loving 3 year old grabbed my neck to hug me, looked me in the eye and said, "Mommy I don't want to frustrate you either!" I melted. He was consoling his Mother.

I was reminded in that moment of when Jesus spoke to his mother while on the cross. He said, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." He was consoling her the best he knew how in that moment. What an amazing God we serve and what an amazing son I have. Even though it was the hardest 30 minutes I have had in a long time, it was also the sweetest.

Training Day

Nothing real spiritual or deep today. I just need your prayers for me as I begin Potty Training Camp today. I am about to pull all of my hair out and I'm going broke over buying diapers and wipes. Quite frankly, I am sick of changing nasty, poopy, soggy, wet, stinky diapers. I never realized how hard this really is. It takes commitment, time, and patience--all the things that are weak areas for me. How hard is it to stand there a pee in a potty--really? I guess girls get off easy since they just sit down. Boys are a little tougher.

Jacob knows how to pee in the potty, he's done it before, but he is so stinkin' stubborn that he won't do it. (I don't know where he gets that from) Right now he's sitting in his desk playing on the computer and I ask him every 5 minutes if he needs to pee or if he's already peed in his pants. I should start counting the number of times I say the word "potty" today. It will be well into the 100's I'm sure. I think I've already said it about 20.

Well, if you are in the "potty" today (21 times now) think about me and my endeavor to rid myself of diaper duty at least until the next one arrives. Pray that Jacob's stubbornness will subside and he will want to be a Big Boy finally!!!!

Any encouraging words are welcome!!!!

Listen To This Man

In John 7, the beginning of what was a series of traps to try and convict Jesus was taking place. The crowd was divided after Jesus loudly voiced his teachings to them. When they guards were asked why they didn't bring Jesus in, they said, "No one ever spoke the way this man does."

As we were studying this passage last night that verse spoke to me. Jesus has never spoken to me the way anyone else has. I was reminded that I tend to talk to Jesus more than I listen. I tend to ask for things more than listen. When I do rarely listen instead of groan and grumble for the things I think I need or deserve it is always profound and loving. This week (after we were robbed) I duked it out with God a little bit. I know that in this world we will have trouble but I told God, "Look, I know I signed up for this, but I didn't sign up for this." And with all patience and love he responded back to me that He knows and He's in control. Just to hear Him speak those words to my soul were comforting in the midst of fear and hurt. When we listen, He speaks like no man has ever spoken before. His eloquence, passion, love, grace, and much more, cannot be matched. What does it say about us when we don't notice Jesus' voice enough? The guards who weren't even his followers noticed that there was something different about this Jesus.

I challenge you today to do a little more listening to this man who speaks differently than others. Listen more than speak. Hear Him and dwell in His thoughts. Jesus will speak to your heart and you will be blessed.

You Truly Are My Joy

Well, when I mentioned that my joy had been robbed I didn't mean literally. Now, I mean literally.

Last night we had an event to go to at a church in Austin, which Jason was in charge of. He has been sick all week. He's had fever every day except for 1 and he has thrown up at least 16 times in the past day. He is sick!!!! After we had been there a little while, Jason started getting sick at the event and we decided to leave early.

When we got home someone had apparently been there. I think we scared them off when we opened the door. They only had time to take our Playstation and some DVD's (which is no real loss). We called the cops, they came, took fingerprints, the whole bit. The thieves apparently used gloves because they couldn't get a usable fingerprint. At 10:00 last night they left. Jason and I went to bed feeling very violated (I felt like they had seen me naked or something).

Well, me being the scaredy cat I am, I stayed up with most of our lights on, watched TV, and had a large stick next to our bed. I was in the middle of a late night showing of "Mickey Blue Eyes" when I heard 3 loud knocks on our door at about 3:30am. I jumped up, ready to rumble with these criminals, and answered the door. It was the cop and they had found the robbers.

Sorry this is so long but keep reading, the story becomes quite humorous.

The cop asked Jason if he could come with him to i.d. the stolen stuff. Jason followed the cop to the local Motel 6 where these so-called thieves had beat the crap out of each other. They got into a fight over the Playstation and had a rumble. One guy was hurt so badly he had to go to the hospital. They basically ratted themselves out by having a drunken brawl over a Playstation, our Playstation to be exact.

As if that wasn't dumb enough, one of the items they stole from our apartment was our video camera. I guess they thought they would document their genius heist, because they began filming their every step after they left our house. Dumb & Dumber!!! So, when Jason got there, at least 3 drunk guys were waiting to be arrested. Two were lying about what they did, and one was spilling the beans (remember one was at the hospital, and we don't know how many there were total). They put the two liars into one of the police cars. What they didn't know was that all cop cars have recorders in them. They were probably confessing everything but they were too drunk to care.

Jason got to watch the whole thing go down. He identified the stuff and left. As he was pulling away he saw the robbers getting cuffed and stuffed and slapped with felony theft charges. At 10:00pm the cops left our house and at 5:00am, the thieves were being taken to jail. Justice was served and my prayer for returned joy was answered. I was truly joyous that in the midst of this situation we kept thanking Jesus and he in return blessed us with closure, and graciousness. He didn't have to give us the satisfaction of these guys getting caught in order for us to praise him, but because he is so awesome, he did!

Last night Jason and I did go to sleep feeling very violated but also thanking Jesus that it was what it was. It could have been much worse. Stuff is just stuff. Thank you Jesus for reminding me that you are still in control. Even when we might not know why certain things happen, thank you for giving us enough strength, through your Spirit, to keep going and to continually praise You no matter the circumstance. Now I can say without hesitation, without restraint, without caution, and with full faith that you truly are MY JOY!!!!

You Are My Joy

I wanted to share my prayer for today with you so that you would know how to pray for me.

God, it's hard to know why things happen the way they do, why you bring us to certain places in our earthly life that rob us of our joy. People who say one thing and do another rob us. People who flaunt assets and financial gain rob us. People who have it better than we do help aid us in our robbing of joy. There are so many joyous things in my life and so many things I have to be thankful for but in some ways I have lost my joy. There are so many things that bring me joy that I want to do and can't because of a stipulation in my covenant with you. You have brought me to a state of contentment in my life, and I've never been more content, but I'm ready for my joy back. I'm ready for the excitement, the opportunity to minister freely without any hindrances. God I said yesterday that you are my Provider and my Provision. "Restore unto me the joy of who you are". I want to able to find joy in the little things and in the miracles. I want to enter into your presence with joy and thanksgiving. I can say "Thank you Jesus", but am I joyfully saying it? God, bring me to a place today where I can say without hesitancy, without restraint, without caution, and with all of my faith that YOU ARE MY JOY!!!

Miracle Stories

Sorry it's been so long! I will try to be better at blogging my heart and soul out. I do have some miracle stories I want to share. God is still in the miracle business by the way!!!

My husband and I have recently had to come to the place in our lives where we have had to utterly rely on God for everything, even the little things. For example: A bed. Jason and I needed a new bed. Starting a new church doesn't leave a lot of money left over after paying bills if any. We have had our bed since we were married and I slept in it about a year before that, so this bed is about 10 years old and we are feeling it in our backsides--trust me. We would wake up every day with a sore something. We began to discuss that we needed to start praying for a bed, specifically a mattress. Within a week our friends had an extra mattress in storage that we tried out and it has helped so much. Now God didn't lavish us with a brand new Sleep Number, but he did give us exactly what we needed.

Another specific prayer that we asked was answered. Now don't feel sorry for us when I tell you this because God has purposefully called us to be in this position and we have never been more content with our lives or more humbled. The reason is this: last month we almost weren't able to make our car payment. With all the extra expenses of Christmas and life, etc., we were struggling to make our payment. On Monday we sat down and talked about what we were going to do and we both decided to just pray specifically for the dollar amount. We couldn't have less and we didn't need more. We specifically prayed about it for a week. The following Monday we were going to have to make the payment. The day before (on Sunday) I was out of town that weekend with a friend and Jason called me and told me that Saturday when he went to go get the mail there was check from State Farm (of all places) giving us back some overpaid insurance money on our Mortgage. First of all, we sold our house in May and this was December - WOW!! Second of all, it was for the exact amount we needed to pay our car payment - DOUBLE WOW!!!!

I share this with you to remind you that miracles are happening because even though these might seem like tiny and insignificant things to some people, these are huge blessings and miracles to us. All I can say is "Thank you Jesus!!!!" He is my Provider and my Provision.

Humility

God gave me a little lesson in humility last week. He asked me to do something that was so simple and so wonderful, that I was ashamed to say that the thought never crossed my mind until He told me. The act shall remain nameless, but I do want to blog the feeling of utter humbleness. Jesus' life can all be traced back to one word--HUMILITY. This thought keeps coming up in my life. It is hard to remain humble. It's hard to say "others are better than me". My wonderful husband said something so simple but yet so profound at our Bible Study Tuesday night. He does that occasionally!!!!:) He said that God thought us greater than even himself which is why he sent his only son to die for us! Wow! God thinks that we, the ugly, sinful, nasty, hateful, filth of this world better than himself, the Almighty, Creator, Redeemer, Savior, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I don't know what that does for your sense of humility in how we treat each other and even ourselves, but don't ever pray for God to show you humility unless you are willing to literally get down and dirty to please the Father. I will leave you with this thought. "If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."Philippians 2:1-11. Consider others better than you this week!!!

Image Consultant

Where do we get our image of a Pastor’s Wife? In my first journal entry I said that I used to see them a certain way. I saw them as untouchable, unreachable. Not many of the Pastor’s wives I encountered were friendly or sociable. They usually played the silent “behind the scenes” person. I feel like I am quite the opposite. So where do we find out what a Pastor’s wife should act like, sound like, or look like? As I was studying this week, the Lord told me to illustrate some ways we as wives and in general as women should be.
Image is a reproduction of the form of a person or object, especially a sculptured likeness; one that closely or exactly resembles another; a double. In Genesis, God says he made us in “His image” What that tells me is that we are supposed to act like him. A good friend and missionary by the name of Norman Barnes came and spoke to our church about “Our Destiny”. One statement he made that stood out to be was that, “We were all created with purpose and destiny.” God created us to be something special and unique in his Kingdom. He also said, “Don’t die a copy.” We are called to be like Christ, in his image, but we are also called to be our own individual self. In the book I am currently reading called Captivating, there is a point in the book where she references our characteristics, male and female, to those of God. He made us in His image, so he must have those character traits. He is strong, wise, a good leader, a disciplinary, and much more that make him God and not, well, George. (That’s for my daddy) He also has traits that women embody. He is romantic, loving, giving, kind, a nurturer, and compassionate. These are all traits that we as women embrace (most of the time). He is the perfect example of male and female. Everything that He has created us to be is a little part of who He is. We aren’t an exact copy of who God is, but we are called to strive to be like Him, holy, as he is holy. That’s my image of what a pastor’s wife should be; striving to be holy. If they are doing that, then all the other images will come into focus. And that focus, is on God!

Holy Wind

Have you ever read the passage that says the Holy Spirit is like "The Wind". It's in John, chapter 3. Jason spoke on it last Sunday and I have been thinking about it ever since. A friend of mine e-mailed me yesterday and reminded me of it. The Holy Spirit is like the wind. He blows us wherever he wants, if we have handed our loves over to him. Right now He's about to blow me a couple of places I'm scared to go. He's also about to blow some places I can't wait to go. The problem is that Holly's timing is not God's timing. Some thoughts he has placed on my heart make me want to move or go or do right now. Waiting on the wind to blow me is the hard and scary part. I want to plan my life, my dreams and my goals, but the Holy Spirit will blow me when he's ready--for now it's the calm before the storm. I have to sit and wait on the Lord. I have to be still and know that HE is GOD!! Pray for me in this endeavor. God is about to blow his Holy Wind on me and move me. Pray that I will be ready!!!

"You and Me" God

"You And Me" by Lifehouse, revised by River Stone Community Church
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me
and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me
and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me
and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me
and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything You do is beautiful
Everything You do is right

Cause it's you and me
and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me
and all of the people

And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off
of you and me
and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me
and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

When we sang this song at River Stone, the phrase that resonates with me the most is "Everything YOU do is Beautiful, everything YOU do is right," so I have decided to change my xanga heading to River Stone's version of "You and Me" by Lifehouse, because, everything HE does is beautiful, and everything HE does is right. "I can't keep my eyes off of you" - let that be my prayer today Lord!! That I wouldn't take my eyes off of you. That in my heart I would be bowed down, but that my eyes are still focused on YOU!! I want to be so focused on you that I want to have to ask "what day is it and in what month" because I am bowing down and praying and giving all of me to YOU!! It's just "You and Me" today God. I give myself over to you today and every day!! You deserve all of my praise!

I'm Back

I haven't been back in a while--but I'm back now--been xangaing and myspacing. I like this format way better!! Will write in a little while!

A Week of Grace

I know I have written about a word of the day/week before but my word for this week is Grace. It’s so funny too because we have a ladies event at our church on Saturday called “Day of Grace”. God is really pumping me up for this one. I’m a week ahead of schedule. Everything I have been reading or hearing from God is about grace. I will preface.

The other day I had a moment where I realized that being a Pastor’s Wife is hard task. Someone was talking with me about it and all I kept saying was how it’s such a hard job. It really is a hard job. There have been many times where I have wanted to choke church members who said horrible things to and about my husband (I would never really do that though). I take offense to that more than he does sometimes. I am very protective because I know how hard he works and how much he studies and prepares, and listens to God, and spends time with God. I see it everyday. All people see is what happens on Sunday or used to be (Wednesday night). Anyway they don’t see all the time he puts in, and I understand all he's had to do to get ready for certain church events, whether its leading worship or preaching. Anyway—this is a weakness of mine and God convicted me about that recently. He keeps reminding me to have a quiet and gentle spirit. If you know me I’m not quiet--gentle maybe--but not quiet. That’s so hard for me. I like to be “in the know” about stuff going on at our church and it’s hard not to chime in with my opinions or gossip about something that’s going on—hey I am a girl!! Anyway, God keeps telling me that I should be quiet and gentle. I think I've finally learned to just stay out of it. This is a big weakness of mine. But, my new motto is: Let Go and Let God. (I know someone else made that up, but I don't know who to credit). I'm a huge control freak and sometimes I just can’t let go, but that just creates more stress in my life and I don’t need that either. Remember being a Pastor's wife is a very hard job.

The other day I was reading a passage in 2 Corinthians, Chapter 12, where Paul talks about his vision and his thorn. I have discovered these past few weeks that I have many thorns (weaknesses). Paul talks about his weaknesses and boasts in them because they make him stronger. In these past few weeks I have seen many of my weaknesses come out and I’m wondering if God is trying to strengthen my faith for something. Paul says, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I feel like these weaknesses in me are being used by God to make me stronger. In the meantime though, I don’t like this person that I have become. I don’t like the stressor person, the lazy person, the non-motivated person, and the other thorn-like person who is hanging around inside of me. I still can’t figure out what God is trying to tell me or teach me, but I know it’s coming soon. God is going to use my weaknesses to make me strong. In this same passage, Paul quotes Jesus saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” His grace is sufficient enough to take away these feeling of “I’ve screwed up again” or “Why am I so weak”. BUT His power is made perfect in my weakness.

His grace is sufficient for me. I'm not the perfect Pastor’s Wife, Mom, friend, etc. But Christ in me is. His grace carries me through these times of weaknesses. He will use these times for His glory. Paul boasts in his weaknesses. He is proud of them because he knows that God is in control of the situation. When I said earlier that I have to let go and let God, I do. I have to hand the control over to him and allow him to use my weaknesses to make me stronger. I can’t say this enough in my mind because there are so many times I feel unworthy of His love because of my horrible, awful sin, but HIS GRACE is sufficient. Because of the cross, my sins are cast as far as the east is from the west. God confirmed this through another one of our Pastor’s tonight in his message. He said, “We aren’t a perfect people, but when we ask God for forgiveness for our sin He wipes the slate clean. In that moment we become perfect again.” He wipes the slate clean. Isn’t that an awesome picture? God must have a huge chalkboard for me. There have been many times I’m sure that my chalkboard was full. I picture a little kid having to stay after class and write a hundred times on the chalkboard . . .I will not sin again, I will not sin again! But then, God takes his big huge eraser that’s shaped like a cross and wipes it all away. Wow, that’s GRACE!!!

First Time Blogger

My husband who's blog is http://fullnessofgod.blogspot.com/ told me I needed my own blog so here I am, blogging! Wow I thought it would feel different. It feels like I'm sending an e-mail. Oh well, I just wanted to tell whoever reads this a little bit about why my husband wanted me to blog. ( I think he didn't want to be the only one who did it--moral support :) Anyway I have been keeping a small Pastor's Wife journal since we started our church last October, and he thought this would be a great way for people to read what I'm writing. So I am a 27 year old Pastor's Wife--who doesn't really have a clue what I'm doing except for what God tells me to do. So my blog is my journey through my struggles of being a young Pastor's Wife. Enjoy!!