I know I have written about a word of the day/week before but my word for this week is Grace. It’s so funny too because we have a ladies event at our church on Saturday called “Day of Grace”. God is really pumping me up for this one. I’m a week ahead of schedule. Everything I have been reading or hearing from God is about grace. I will preface.
The other day I had a moment where I realized that being a Pastor’s Wife is hard task. Someone was talking with me about it and all I kept saying was how it’s such a hard job. It really is a hard job. There have been many times where I have wanted to choke church members who said horrible things to and about my husband (I would never really do that though). I take offense to that more than he does sometimes. I am very protective because I know how hard he works and how much he studies and prepares, and listens to God, and spends time with God. I see it everyday. All people see is what happens on Sunday or used to be (Wednesday night). Anyway they don’t see all the time he puts in, and I understand all he's had to do to get ready for certain church events, whether its leading worship or preaching. Anyway—this is a weakness of mine and God convicted me about that recently. He keeps reminding me to have a quiet and gentle spirit. If you know me I’m not quiet--gentle maybe--but not quiet. That’s so hard for me. I like to be “in the know” about stuff going on at our church and it’s hard not to chime in with my opinions or gossip about something that’s going on—hey I am a girl!! Anyway, God keeps telling me that I should be quiet and gentle. I think I've finally learned to just stay out of it. This is a big weakness of mine. But, my new motto is: Let Go and Let God. (I know someone else made that up, but I don't know who to credit). I'm a huge control freak and sometimes I just can’t let go, but that just creates more stress in my life and I don’t need that either. Remember being a Pastor's wife is a very hard job.
The other day I was reading a passage in 2 Corinthians, Chapter 12, where Paul talks about his vision and his thorn. I have discovered these past few weeks that I have many thorns (weaknesses). Paul talks about his weaknesses and boasts in them because they make him stronger. In these past few weeks I have seen many of my weaknesses come out and I’m wondering if God is trying to strengthen my faith for something. Paul says, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I feel like these weaknesses in me are being used by God to make me stronger. In the meantime though, I don’t like this person that I have become. I don’t like the stressor person, the lazy person, the non-motivated person, and the other thorn-like person who is hanging around inside of me. I still can’t figure out what God is trying to tell me or teach me, but I know it’s coming soon. God is going to use my weaknesses to make me strong. In this same passage, Paul quotes Jesus saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” His grace is sufficient enough to take away these feeling of “I’ve screwed up again” or “Why am I so weak”. BUT His power is made perfect in my weakness.
His grace is sufficient for me. I'm not the perfect Pastor’s Wife, Mom, friend, etc. But Christ in me is. His grace carries me through these times of weaknesses. He will use these times for His glory. Paul boasts in his weaknesses. He is proud of them because he knows that God is in control of the situation. When I said earlier that I have to let go and let God, I do. I have to hand the control over to him and allow him to use my weaknesses to make me stronger. I can’t say this enough in my mind because there are so many times I feel unworthy of His love because of my horrible, awful sin, but HIS GRACE is sufficient. Because of the cross, my sins are cast as far as the east is from the west. God confirmed this through another one of our Pastor’s tonight in his message. He said, “We aren’t a perfect people, but when we ask God for forgiveness for our sin He wipes the slate clean. In that moment we become perfect again.” He wipes the slate clean. Isn’t that an awesome picture? God must have a huge chalkboard for me. There have been many times I’m sure that my chalkboard was full. I picture a little kid having to stay after class and write a hundred times on the chalkboard . . .I will not sin again, I will not sin again! But then, God takes his big huge eraser that’s shaped like a cross and wipes it all away. Wow, that’s GRACE!!!
10 years ago
